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Wednesday, September 25 What is it that you TRULY want/wanted? I want him black..or do i? since lately neither i nor 'black' society itself seems short of just what is black? I want him to acknowledge he is black..or can i? since how/what/he acknowledges as black may not be even close to what i acknowledge..seems easy enough to accept and embrace difference..yet., when the man is as black a straight up hustler and whereas i am not..or the man as black is church going and middle class aspirant and whereas i am not..or the man as black is drunk, vulgar, and disinterested in life and whereas i am not.. I want him to want me also cause i am black or can i since he can not assume my black'ness for me.. what is my blackness to him anyway..my skin, am i at all familar..him being from kentucky and me from germany..will he accept my manners as black enough..or do i have to prove this to him..is he proving to me that his roots are deep..are these folks like this all the time.. I want him to be healthy cause he is black..but how can i expect such a ting..so if he smokes crack and i smoke cigarettes..we can get along..as long as i don't take his change for my cigarettes and he dosen't take my tings for his crack..right.. but i do want him to be a strong black men..both mental and physical..while in all honesty..how can i want that..when i'm only so strong..or healthy in a mental or physical context..and don't have too much time to improve on the model.. yeah..i don't care if he is not gym toned..but i won't want him to just eat greasy food and drink licquor all night.. just like he may not want to buy organic foods, prepare organic meals..hell even cook for that matter..let alone shop and organize a kitchen..but i want that from him.. and i don't think he need a college education to come form that place.. I stoped cooking for black men who won't cook with me..i want him to be as familar with the kitchen, as he is with the bedroom, i want him to be as comfortable with creating space as he is of taking up space..and i want him to be black about it all..oh..damn..now what is that black thing..again..? see I see think we black men don't know we black.. we don't know 'exactly' what that means to us..esp., those of us 'same gender living/ loving' if i may say time, love and compassion can heal most wounds. I posted this on my blog (blackberry) some time ago..kind'a deal with the questions..then again..kind'a don't/ting is it won't publishish on my blog for some reason..so i thought i'd share it here.. besides..been a long time since i said hello..to you fellow..whom i gather for the most part are on the eastern sea board whereas i'm definitly california in the how'se..see ya.. posted by randolph webb @ 1:39 PM [ e : w ]
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