Saturday, January 26 Dance as though no one is watching you and you are a freak who neeeeeds some real bad. Love as though you have been never hurt before and you are just waiting for the first mofo to come up so you can stab that joka in the back!! Stab him!! Sing as though no one can hear you, which means sing louder until someone can hear you, very well! *wink* Live as though heaven is on earth. (and somehow you made it anyway! Ha!)
Just a smile I wanted to share with you folks today, with my personal additions. S
jan 21, nite mlk day went out to a bar--'hole in the wall', along the way encountered/passed black men, about 18 of them--cause i was counting..esp., since i seem to have few to no contact with black people any mo'; the first nine where either homeless, drunks, crack addicts or a combination of all three things; then i ran into a group of about 5 black men huddled together at the door way of a drug re-hab center on howard street..the tallest one and i exchanged glances/greetings..; by this time i was at the bar..there was two at the bar, i'll get back to them, and one in the back, who through a series of acts eventually stripped of all his clothes and had 'fleeting' sex with a mexican who had earlier had sex with a white man in the same area of the bar..I said fleeting cause they was through with that sex sooner than the time it took for him to strip..go figure..anyhow, the two at the bar, well, one was close to the bartender and smiled an cracked jokes with him a lot..later they played dominos, and the other was a real life urban cowboy, with boots and hat..the hat was lepord print. When i got up to go, he stopped me, and wished me a happy MLK day..which i thanked him for and offered the same..from that point his conversation to me turned to jibberish..i didn't get what he was talking about or why he thought i wanted to hear such useless talk..he continued to talk jibberish in front of the bar while i lit his and mine cigarettes..i left him there. Originaly the 18th black man was a poster of MLK himself on the back wall in the hole in the wall, just above the head of the blood striped and having sex with the mexican. But now, i guess i was the 18th..watching my blackness. I was too early for 'shade' at the Stud, which is the black ting' there on monday nights Sad state of blackness (as in the voice of Rashan Roland Kirk)--though earlier today I had made mixes of erica's friend Matthew, he is a queer/black singer songwriter. So that was by far my most enduring blackness. sexaholics, alcoholics, freaks, and bums and drunks, that's the black life i see, witness daily..addicts, and psyco homeless, emotional wreaks, with no character, prideful, arrogant, stupid, ill literate and selfish, sexist, phobic, materalistic..my bloods.. where, oh where is the intelligent, sensitive, funny, black men in my life.. i must be living in the wrong city..or the wrong time..or or or or.. oh, antonio, i been where u are..done what you did..felt what u felt too.. and yeah, i wished i hadn't made that call..in fact..made sure i threw the cell number away..to avoid repeating such mistakes again..cause i surely would have if i had kept the number.. funny.. is NY mo black..den SF? where is the 'life' d'ese days? what happened to SF's bloods..? funny.. fuck it. posted by randolph webb @ 1:26 PM [ e : w ]
Sunday, January 20 Is age more than just a number? I mean, I'm young, but not that young. Old soul, too. But, damn, you old. I don't want your parental urges to start kicking in with ya old self. I like you. I love you. But I'm not in love with you. Chill. I'm glad I don't take being single for granted because I'd rather be single, sometimes, than be smothered. Just a matter of principle and freedom, not about the ability to "weigh my options."
I don't even smoke, but I bet a cigarette would be good right about now.
Once again I've allowed myself to want and need you back in my life ... when those emotions were to be left behind in last year. My thoughts got the best of me and I placed a telephone call to your cellular phone and left a message thinking you wouldn't return the phone call like you always did -- Oh, how I was wrong! Your call back had me a state of shock because you had decided to call back within two hours of my call -- and not leave me hanging .... wondering. Maybe I should have stopped there and called it even, but my curiousity got the best of me and I called you again wanting to hear your voice. Instead of reaching voicemail I got you ... For ten minutes it was just you and I ... We even entertained the thought of seeing one another since the last time we saw one another was a year ago. I'm not sure why you still have this effect on me ... these feelings that I have for you should have left with you the day you decided to walk out of my life ... posted by Antonio Gaskin @ 4:36 AM [ e : w ]
