Saturday, December 29 |||||Blog, it has been long since I've allowed myself to be vulnerable, sincerely, with someone. Actually, I'm not sure if I've ever been vulnerable, more specifically, with a man. Is that necessary for success--whatever that may be defined as? I assume and hope that when the opportunity arises, I'll take full advantage and appreciate the moment responsibly. Until then, I've decided, it's all or nothing at all. ||||Sometimes I wonder, is one who is used to eating hamburger able to fully appreciate steak? Can those of us who've never really been in worthwhile, or should I say functional and healthful, relationships appreciate and nuture one as it should be? I think so. I'm sure I'll find out one day.
|||||Another thought that crossed my mind centered around our treatment of each other. I find it interesting how men and women interact romatically, as compared to how men and other men interact in courtship type mode. One of the two generally seems to be more sex-driven and rather presumptuous. Of course, this is just my opinion and I'm not a sociologist, nor do I spend all my time observing straight folk courting. It just strikes me that a man wanted to get with another man holds himself to much less respect/courtesy than the his straight counterparts. Then again, we are dealing with basically two different societies. Are the social expectations the same? Is this one of those monogomy-doesn't-apply-to-"us" type deals? If you stepped to a woman (or "female" as some like to call 'em, now) and casually described your sexual interests and private physical attributes in the first discussion, you may get slapped. ||||Hell, maybe I just have had too many sour experiences with men, but I honestly don't give a about your size or whether you are submissive during sexual play the first time I interact with you. Then again, people know what they are looking for and go straight for that--so their actions and words are thusly geared. But it just s my head up when the conversation is good and then some piece of information slips in that I did not ask for. Talk about wrecking a flow. ||||||||||But I don't want to get off on a rant, here... ::Smile::
Oh yeah, interesting read here. I don't agree with every word written perhaps, but nice to see some discussion going on.
Hello All! I just want to wish my brothers a happy new year. Much peace, serenity and love within as well as good health, prosperity and growth... Be thankful for the people in your life, those who will come and the one that came before us. As importantly, the little things that make life worth living .... a warm smile, the company of loved ones and the hello from a perfect stranger.....
Be Strong! Keep Fighting! Keep Sane! Resist! Be BLACK!
Friday, December 28 intellectually, speaking, I could mouth off a great deal re: the reality vs the ideal that impacts and/or defines (as I see tings' )black sgl/queer community and/or individual wit re: to collective work and responsibility; truth be know, I'm reluctant. seems in my short 46 years, of which at least 26 have been 'active' in various black sgl/queer communities, and/or locations (since a body of like people in itself does not make a community) I've only seen/experienced transient's , diminished and/or trashy, and legendary (I.e. to say there was once a scene/community but by the time I caught up wit dem children it was just a story.) why is dat, I've often wondered; I've searched for the 'black' contributions and representations in various materials and literature that puts 'queer' communities and/or actions into some sort of historical content/context; Yet my search seems to find pictures with no names; events without our input; activitism with no black leadership and/or numbers; our contributions are minor footnotes; our creativity is without critical review short of the most internationally jarring, e.g. marlon riggs, or Sylvester, which in themselves is no short list.'; our intellect is ignored or corralled into a white collective, as if the significance of color had no bearing on the work, e.g., A. Lourde, J. Baldwin, and many, many others. For example, this years pride festival in black Oakland, received one image shot and a single column essay in SF's leading queer rag the "BAR". But you would think an openly successful festival of that sort occurring in a significantly black community would enlist a significant range of news/literary /media discussions and study--given the stats on black youth and AIDS. Likewise, why is it that media and/or promotion of black queer political/cultural/social/creative constructs occurs almost significantly only within the same events sponsored and promoted by white fags. Why is it that the best of our contemporary 'collective work and responsibility' is hinged primarily with HIV/AIDS health care service or work? Or, sex industry work? How is it our collective work is in constant attack from either the larger straight society or the larger white queer communities, by attack I mean filtered down or appropriated; we ultimately do not sustain too many events/productions/organizations. I am thinking of black identified clubs, events, and or organizations, e.g., why didn't the Blue & Gold survive as a nite spot for black queers specifically in SF; How come Men2Men does not say BlackMen2BlackMen? Where are the black queer organizations fighting/dealing/activitism in human rights, housing, racism? How come we are historical footnotes on sex, and sexual behavior soon than theorist on such subjects? How come we can contribute to the sensation of 'queerness' enough to be the subject of countless film studies by white persons, e.g. Paris is Burning, yet can not create or provide or receive funding for such work by ourselves?(let alone distribute and market.) How come white queers are more familiar with black queer authors sooner than ourselves? and Why are we afraid to address the ill literacy of the black queer 'communities? I.e., why don't we have a literacy program in most urban areas that outreaches to queer children specific? (honey, by queer children I mean adults..) As you can see, I've got lots to say on the subject of collective work and responsibility, in fact I am working double time to be a significant contribution to the body of Ujima that I believe is sorely needed within our individual consciousness and collective body..better or worse as that may be. I'm sad that of the many art shows and music events I've attempted to promote over the last year; that getting support from (if only by attendance) black sgl/queer folks is the most difficult to achieve. what are we waiting on? what are we afraid of? that 'they will think we are queer?' yeah, right..like they don't already when we take are GYM toned ass down town. Why is sex the only defining aspect of our existence, and a white boy has profited off the the question sooner than us as a community, can we say Mapplethorpe? ran-D posted by randolph webb @ 5:49 PM [ e : w ]
Thursday, December 27 "Love takes time. So does everything that goes along with it. It's very hard to let go of someone that you've given yourself to and allowed your emotions to run free with, and at times it feels like hell being alone. But the hurt DOES go away. It just takes time. Time heals all wounds; they just don't heal overnight. But in due time, you'll always receive what you, as a dignified person, deserve."
Today I decided that in the coming year I'm leaving the broken heart in 2001 -- I wasted a majority of the year loving someone from afar. I basically put my life on hold. It's was really rough letting go of someone that I loved ... It was even harder to gasp the fact that they could walk away from me with such ease. I dealt with a variety of emotions ... but now I'm concerned with pleasing myself.
"But I have to choose myself I have to choose my growth and my health My first responsibility is to me ..." ~ Rachelle Ferrell
Monday, December 24 i agree donald...i personally dont care for the materialistic side of christmas myself..i mean that was never a priority in my home because most times the four of us never had the money to BUY gifts...so we were more happier and what not. We still dont really get into christmas in that manner--if anything, we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ (Easter is his Resurrection correct? its been a while since ive shared the same space as a "shudder" Christian bible) and we always give thanks for being aliveand for having each other in our lives. thats enough for me...
I am really not into the holidays anymore. I love the magic of lights and the seasonal hope, but I really can't stand the mad dash for buying all the stuff. It irritates me. Anyway, that's what made this Blue Lights in the Basement party so special - it wasn't really a holiday party. There were beautiful lights that created a certain ambience, good stuff to munch on and drink and cute guys to dance with. It being the weekend before Christmas was totally coincidental. It was really nice ...
Too bad more brothers didn't (or couldn't or wouldn't) take advantage of the chance to dance. It was painful to hear songs like Roberta Flack's "The Closer I Get To You" go by with noone dancing to them! Well, I got my slow drag ON! I had about 5 dances. It just felt so good to be in another brother's embrace. We don't do that often enough. posted by Donald Andrew Agarrat @ 9:30 AM [ e : w ]
Sunday, December 23 I wanted to wish everyone a merry christmas and a happy new years--whatever you celebrate. :) see you all next year! Ryan posted by Ryan Canty @ 9:34 PM [ e : w ]
